Wholesome Sadness
by Danie7
Summary: Well this is a terribly sad fic where Inu breaks Kag's heart only he took it a little farther than just kissing Kikyou.. read and you may be as harsh as you like.. just remember this affects whatever I decide to post for you guys


One Shot: Wholesome Sadness  
  
Disclaimer: I neither own the song that Im using in this fic nor the characters therein please enjoy and thank you for reading this as I spent time writing it.  
  
I fell in your arms  
  
You held me so close  
  
Kagome watched so shocked none of the scene before her affected her in any way what-so-ever. It wasn't until later that her heart cracked and shattered. Her body shook as her brown eyes absorbed the problem in front of her that was to be her downfall. She watched InuYasha collapse into Kikyou. The dead miko caught him and they shared a moment looking deeply into eachother's eyes. He murmured her name and their lips met almost instantaneously.  
  
Her body shook with pain and barely contained rage as her mind whirled with thoughts that meant everything and nothing to her at the same time. He went to her... In his pain.. He cares nothing for you.. Didn't you realize this by now? He thinks you're worthless and deserving of nothing.. Just to be his 'shard-detector'... nothing more than a play toy.  
  
Her breath hitched as she continued to stay. You need to get it through your thick skull that he will never be yours nor does he want to be. She told herself as she subjected herself to the horrific event that should have never taken place were it not for coincidental circumstances.  
  
She didn't register the innumerable tears coursing down her face. Inside she was frozen, cold as if her heart had died. She barely thought of how grateful she was that her tears blurred the images of the two lovers before her. Every groan or moan InuYasha made, or Kikyou swallowed from him, cracked her heart and soul in another chunk.  
  
We lived in a dream  
  
I had taught you  
  
Realizing that she needed to get away before he could sense that she was there, Kagome turned and ran blindly in the direction of the village. Memories assaulted her as she ran. Pelting her like stones as she went through the underbrush.  
  
"'Oy Kikyou! What are you doing down there in the dirt? Playing with bugs?' InuYasha said from the place where he was pinned to the Sacred Tree. 'You sure are dumb Kikyou.' He smirked at her..The arrow in his chest wriggled as he yelled at her. His red robes held no traces of the blood that was supposed ot be there after such a wound.. She had thought he had to be some kind of god or mystic hero..."  
  
The memories flitted in and out of her mind as she slipped in the dirt and fell. Her hand grasped in the grass as the tears trickled down her face creating their own puddle under her cheek. In an effort to block out her mind she pushed her face in the mudd but only succeeded in dirtying her black hair.  
  
"'Your lap.. lend me your lap.' His hair had changed to black as he had become human in the spider house. His face shifted, pillowing his cheek on her thighs and he let out a more contented breath.  
  
'There is that better?' Kagome asked as a flush creeped up her neck at having him so close to her. She allowed her fingers to drag through the silky smoothness that fanned over her legs but only briefly so as not to tell him that she liked it.  
  
'You.. smell nice...' He said shocking her into silence. And she sat there while he slept on her til the sun was close to rising.."  
  
"'Uh Kagome what are you doing?' The hanyou said as she leaned her head on his shoulder. A blush covered his features as his attention was shifted from the princess they were supposed to be watching.  
  
'She's creepy!' Kagome squealed as she felt his heat steal through his clothes to her face.  
  
'Is that why you're so close to me?!' He shouted it at her like an accusation."  
  
Her sobs wracked her body as she struggled to her feet. Her stumbling feet led her back to the village where she collapsed in front of Kaeda's hut unable to move from grief. Miroku found her first. He immediately asked her if she was injured and if InuYasha was alright. The mention of his name brought on a fresh wave of remorse and she shoved away from him. "I-I have t-to g-g-go ho-home.." She said as she ran back towards the well.  
  
But now youre gone, away  
  
I wish that you could stay, with me another day  
  
InuYasha hovered above the well in a high branch of one of his less favorite trees. Kagome hadn't returned ever since.. he had left that afternoon.. to visit.. Her. "Kikyou." He said aloud. Then its counterpart. "Kagome." Everytime he thought of either of them his mind and heart tore at eachother. His mind reasoned that Kikyou was who he should really be worried about after he had left her when he had finished with her.  
  
His heart told him that the scent of Kagome he had picked up on his way back to the village just wasn't his overactive imagination... she had really been there and she was really hurt. He didn't know which to agree with and he didn't know that he wanted to test to see which was right or not. The well was the answer to both of his problems. If he were to jump through and Kagome hadn't barracaded him from the other side... he would know if she accepted him still.. But if he were to bar it up on his side she wouldn't be able to get to him. But she might die from the fact that she wouldn't be able to jump back into her time. And he also realized that if he loved Kikyou with all his heart or.. a majority of it, he shouldn't have any problems with the idea. After all, how many demons had he slain? Technically if he were to think of it for her he shouldn't feel horrible when comparing it to that number.  
  
His mind ran in circles for three days before he decided that he should jump into the well to test to see what her heart had decided. Mayhap that would help him make up his mind. As his feet went through the dirt in the bottom of the well allowing him to travel through time... he realized it didn't help him any and neither did the scene that awaited him.  
  
Deep in my heart Im feeling frozen still  
  
You left a place of chill in my heart  
  
Kagome felt her head throb from her tears when she awoke on the floor of the well. Her side was bruised awfully bad from her not catching herself when she fell and just laying there when she had finished. Her family hadn't found her and she doubted they would. Her limbs protested as she sat up but she moved anyway reveling in the pain that was more physical and easier to handle.  
  
As she climbed the ladder in the well she felt her heart leave her body. It was as if with every step she was erasing him from her body all traces. Although she would've been shocked to see that the tears had never stopped coursing down her cheeks and that the pain had just ebbed leaving her feel hollow and empty as opposed to grief stricken.  
  
She was mildly amazed to discover that she couldn't stand up once she was on the other side of the well. She managed to drag her way up the stairs and fall out into the rain on the other side. She rolled until she was face up and the droplets of water washed her face clean of dirt and mingled tears. The rain never subsided and her family never came home for the entire day. When they finally pulled in the driveway, the car skidded to a halt and her mother and brother rushed out to kneel at her side.  
  
As she looked at her mother the delirium set in and made their faces shift and sway until they resembled InuYasha and Kikyou. She screamed as they hovered above her mumbling words that she couldn't understand.  
  
Mrs. Higurashi hovered around her daughter's bed until the doctor came. When he did he promptly ordered her out due to the fact that Kagome wouldn't stop crying long enough to take more than a gasping breath. "No! DON"T LEAVE ME!" She screamed as Mrs. Higurashi turned to go. But the moment she turned back to look her daughter in the eyes. Instantaneously she transformed back into the golden-eyed devil that had smote her life in one smooth thrust.  
  
Her screams resumed as her horror returned and the doctor shooed her away no matter that Kagome wouldn't stop screaming. And this was how InuYasha found her two nights later.  
  
Deep in my heart a star has soaked in light  
  
A thorn is in my sight, because of you  
  
InuYasha felt both relief and a crushing worry as he was able to get through to the other side of the well. Making his way to her house, he felt pain lance through him with every step... almost as if he were picking it up as he went to her. Then he saw her laying in the grass in her yard.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Kagome looked towards the window during the night when her fever had subsided some. The doctor had left a few hours ago and her mother was asleep in a chair next to her bed. Moving slowly she inched herself to the foot of her bed. It's so hot.. why is it so hot? She thought as she moved along.  
  
She made it down the stairs before her feet stumbled on a loose board on the first floor. She landed on her hands and knees and cursed the fact that she was so weak. Crawling, she made her way outside in the rain. Why is it always raining? Then she remembered when it had started and she wanted to tamp down on her memory.  
  
I had thought it was just characteristic of humans to hurt eachother... well no one said he didn't have any human characteristics besides him.. so he can hurt you all he likes and be considered human.. She wanted to sob as her hands met the grass in her yard, but she had been crying so much for so long.. it was time for her to stop.  
  
Pulling herself up to her knees she threw her head back as she gazed up at the tormented heavens. For hours she sat in the rain, letting it soak her clothes to cling to her skin.  
  
*~*~*  
  
His eyes weren't decieving him. The thin waif was what used to be his Kagome. Her eyes seemed dead. The life that had always brightened him up was gone. Pain was written in all of her features as she stared blankly at the sky, not blinking. He stepped forward. She's sick. The smell of her illness hit him square in the face. You idiot.. what did you think was wrong with her? That something she had eaten had just magically mistreated her body to make it look this way? He didn't like the derogatory voice that was yelling at him.  
  
Then she sat forward abruptly and coughed up blood. The idea had finally come to her.. but would she be able to pull it off? Looking up she saw the stunned hanyou sitting on his haunches before her. She wiped off her mouth with the back of her hand. He caught hold of her hand and looked it over. "How long have you been sick Kagome?" He asked quietly. She stared mutely at him and drew her hand back. Standing, he picked her up and walked her to the well, unwittingly aiding her in her plans.  
  
*~*~*  
  
When they reached the other side, he sat her down on the lip of the well. Immediately, she rushed away from him. Back where I belong.. where I need to be.. she thought fleetingly as her strength seemed to return to her as she ran from him. The farther I am from my pain the easier it will be for me to think and feel again.. she realized with a lightened heart.  
  
InuYasha watched her go. From his perch in a high tree. Well at least she's on this side and I'll be able to keep tabs on her better. I won't be able to lose her if she's on this side as easily as I could if she were in that time. He thought bitterly of her 'school' and that 'Hojo' twerp.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Kagome fell onto her side when it was impossible for her to run another step. A harsh sound met her ears a few moments later and Kagome covered her ears until she realized it was coming from her own throat. Histerical laughter bubbled up from inside her until she clutched her sides with the force of it.  
  
I gave it all up to be by your side  
  
But now Im alone in the darkness  
  
Night descended again and Kagome still hadn't moved from her spot on her side in the grass. The rain hadn't stopped but that didn't matter to her for she was never going home again. A brilliant idea had seized her. Now to just see if it would work.  
  
Willing her limbs to move, she stood up and brushed what she could of the mud off her clothes The doctor had let her wear it when she was delusional as she kept screaming that she needed to protect InuYasha's robe for him until he came back. She remembered none of what she had said while she was delirious, but she knew the gist of it. When she had had those brief respites and the doctor had quizzed her on what she meant by 'fighting demons' and 'shikon detector' among other various things she had muttered in her delirium.  
  
Because youre gone away I wish that you could stay  
  
With me another day  
  
She swayed on her feet but managed to hold her own after a minute or two. InuYasha stayed in the treetops not wanting her to notice him. He could smell Kikyou ahead and wondered briefly if this was something Kagome had planned. Then she gave a short hoarse laugh and continued on her way.  
  
Kikyou is ahead I know it.. Now to see if she would cooperate with me... Kagome thought as she concentrated on one foot in front of the other. Before she knew it she was face-to-face with the dead miko. "Kikyou." She said quietly.  
  
The dead miko smirked at her proudly. "He's mine now you know." She said as if it were supposed to be news to Kagome.. and in a way Kagome figured it was supposed to be.  
  
"I already know Kikyou. And I don't care I have more important things to talk to you of." Kagome said coolly as she rested against a tree.  
  
Her statement took the wind out of Kikyou's sails. "What is it you have come here for?" Kikyou said tersely.  
  
"Kikyou.. would you ever.. would you want to be human again if you could?" Kagome asked plaintively. She wanted to know which route she needed to take in order for this to work. She realized there was no way Kikyou would want to become human now that InuYasha wanted her in her dead form.  
  
The answer Kagome knew was coming came. "No.. I don't think I would ever subject myself to such a mundane life again." Kikyou said haughtily. Kagome rolled her eyes in a feeble attempt at her old self. But the joyous girl was gone and she gave up on trying before a comment came to her lips. "Why?" Kikyou asked surprising her.  
  
"Because I needed to decide something. Now before I go.. Kikyou would you object to having the rest of your soul restored?" She asked quietly. Kikyou looked taken aback by her words. Her facial expression told Kagome that she was thinking on it.. then Kikyou nodded.  
  
Deep in my heart, Im feeling frozen still  
  
You left a place of chill in my heart  
  
Kagome moved through the trees until she reached the cliff. Kikyou watched mutely from the tree line. "Go away." Kagome ordered her before she turned to face Kikyou. Glaring, Kikyou turned and left her alone. InuYasha stood waiting in one of the nearby trees wondering what Kagome was doing standing by the cliff. He watched as she shirked her robe exposing her white body. A smile crested her lips just before she started to fall backwards towards the gorge.  
  
In a split second his mind was made up for him. He needed Kagome. He might love Kikyou but he didn't need her no matter what he had said or did to say otherwise. Kagome demanded nothing of him and gave him everything in return. Her life had been blown here in the past with him. She had stopped going to school to help him. She had seen her family less and less until she had confided to Miroku that going home seemed more like visiting strangers than her own family now-a-days.  
  
Kikyou had demanded everything of him. To change who he was and what he did. She had never wanted him. She had wanted an ideal. His feet weren't moving him fast enough. She was falling faster than he was getting there. This isn't how it's supposed to be!! His mind screamed.  
  
Deep in my heart a star has soaked in light  
  
A thorn is in my sight, because of you  
  
InuYasha watched in mute horror as he failed her. Kagome slipped farther and farther from him into the depths of the gorge. The rain didn't stop to mark her passing. Then just as suddenly as she had disappeared he saw her spirit soar up above his head and pelt into the forest behind him. Turning around, he saw Kikyou emerge stumbling from the forest edge. Her hands were held before her face. "InuYasha.. It.. it's me.." She gasped as she sank to her knees in front of him.  
  
InuYasha felt the tears track down his face as he turned and followed Kagome down the gorge.  
  
Kikyou gasped as the implications of what had just happened actually sank into her brain. She swayed as she pushed to her feet. "B-but I thought.. this was how you wanted.. me.." Came a voice that sounded eerily like Kagome's out of Kikyou's mouth. Turning, she moved back into the darkness of the trees.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Okay guys.. be honest.. what did you think? I was trying to challenge myself to make one of the Kikyou kisses Inu fics interesting.. although in mine she isn't really just kissing him.. but anyway.. I want you opinion if you can spare a few seconds of your time giving it.. 


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